The Clickbait Quandry
Yo, What’s up? This is Hal in Philly and I’d like to welcome you to another curious episode of Easy When You Know Hal. Today, I’d like to proposed a solution to a problem that likely has many of us spending way too much time on the internet crawling down rabbit holes in search of information. This is especially aimed at you, the victim of clickbait on Facebook and Twitter, etcetera.
Clickbait - you know. Those pesky little teaser articles with the provocative headlines or pictures of your favorite actor or actress semi nude. For instance, you’ll see a picture and a headlines say stuff like: Honey Boo Boo. And there’s a hideous picture of Honey Boo boo (is there any other kind?) Followed by - You will be amazed by what she looks like now! And out of curiosity, you click on it - You alread know she looks just as bad or worse, today, but hey, you slow down for accidents when you’re driving, too… hoping to see a dead body.
So you get to this website and there is no before and after picture of Honey Boo Boo. But there is a headline that says, See What Your Favorite Celebrities Look Like Today?
And then there’s a big button that says START THE SLIDE SHOW, So you click on that and there’s a picture of Loretta Swit from M*A*S*H. Then you have to scroll down past a few advertisements to get a little article containing a few fun facts about Loretta. Then it say, scroll down to see what she looks like now. SO, you scroll past a couple more ads for stuff like Cialis or Swamp Butt powder and a video of a doctor selling some treatment for the disease of the day - which cures boils, hemorrhoids, Cancer, foot fungus, heartbreak of psoriasis and shingles. Side effects may cause memory loss, rash, prolonged itching and death. Induce vomiting and notify your doctor immediately if you die.
So finally, you get to a button that says NEXT, but your eye gravitates to the button to the right of it that says CLICK HERE NOW. Even as you’re clicking it, you realize you clicked the wrong button and you end up another clickbait page. This one tells the story of a man who got revenge on his wedding day. So you start to read that story and at that point you realize, you’re being time-sucked down another rabbit hole. So, this is where I come to save you.
Many of these stories are taken from actual headlines and they’re spread over many pages to get you to continue clicking until you’ve been exposed to about a thousand ads before you find out how the story ends. Any time you find yourself in a rabbit hole, just look for the names of the people in the story, which can usually be found in the first page of the article. Snap yourself out of the trance you’re in and go to Google and paste in the keywords of the story. For instance let’s say the story is: IHOP Waitress gets $1,200 tip!
That clickbait article will have you taking all day to get the whole story. They fill it with embellishments, often repeating things on one page they already told you on the previous page. All you would have to do to break the cycle is type the words IHOP Waitress 1200 tip in the search box of Google or almost any other search engine and that article will pop up on several legit news sites. You can then read the whole story in two minutes and get your life back.
If you find yourself getting sucked down a rabbit hole and you think you have to go through pages and pages of bullshit ads to get the story, just keep in mind they got that story from another source. You can find that source very easily with a quick search. It’s EASY WHEN YOU KNOW HAL!
Clickbait - you know. Those pesky little teaser articles with the provocative headlines or pictures of your favorite actor or actress semi nude. For instance, you’ll see a picture and a headlines say stuff like: Honey Boo Boo. And there’s a hideous picture of Honey Boo boo (is there any other kind?) Followed by - You will be amazed by what she looks like now! And out of curiosity, you click on it - You alread know she looks just as bad or worse, today, but hey, you slow down for accidents when you’re driving, too… hoping to see a dead body.
So you get to this website and there is no before and after picture of Honey Boo Boo. But there is a headline that says, See What Your Favorite Celebrities Look Like Today?
And then there’s a big button that says START THE SLIDE SHOW, So you click on that and there’s a picture of Loretta Swit from M*A*S*H. Then you have to scroll down past a few advertisements to get a little article containing a few fun facts about Loretta. Then it say, scroll down to see what she looks like now. SO, you scroll past a couple more ads for stuff like Cialis or Swamp Butt powder and a video of a doctor selling some treatment for the disease of the day - which cures boils, hemorrhoids, Cancer, foot fungus, heartbreak of psoriasis and shingles. Side effects may cause memory loss, rash, prolonged itching and death. Induce vomiting and notify your doctor immediately if you die.
So finally, you get to a button that says NEXT, but your eye gravitates to the button to the right of it that says CLICK HERE NOW. Even as you’re clicking it, you realize you clicked the wrong button and you end up another clickbait page. This one tells the story of a man who got revenge on his wedding day. So you start to read that story and at that point you realize, you’re being time-sucked down another rabbit hole. So, this is where I come to save you.
Many of these stories are taken from actual headlines and they’re spread over many pages to get you to continue clicking until you’ve been exposed to about a thousand ads before you find out how the story ends. Any time you find yourself in a rabbit hole, just look for the names of the people in the story, which can usually be found in the first page of the article. Snap yourself out of the trance you’re in and go to Google and paste in the keywords of the story. For instance let’s say the story is: IHOP Waitress gets $1,200 tip!
That clickbait article will have you taking all day to get the whole story. They fill it with embellishments, often repeating things on one page they already told you on the previous page. All you would have to do to break the cycle is type the words IHOP Waitress 1200 tip in the search box of Google or almost any other search engine and that article will pop up on several legit news sites. You can then read the whole story in two minutes and get your life back.
If you find yourself getting sucked down a rabbit hole and you think you have to go through pages and pages of bullshit ads to get the story, just keep in mind they got that story from another source. You can find that source very easily with a quick search. It’s EASY WHEN YOU KNOW HAL!
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