Whistle A Happy Tune
And DON'T Call Me Pops!
One of the advantages of having been a regular at the Chimneysweep Lounge in Sherman Oaks for over 15 years not to mention - I eventually ended up as a bartender there, I also performed music on Sunday nights and also booked live music on other nights (ahh, that’s another story)… There is a certain cocoon of protection built in. At least that was my theory. One night I was force do put it to the test.
This was maybe 1995 or ’96, I think. I was sitting there one night about midnight, just another customer. I wasn’t working. Wasn’t playing music that night. It was just me, my girlfriend at the time, Patti; and another couple. Kathi and Mike. Kathi sang backup vocals with me on occasion and she was in duo with her boyfriend Mike, as well.
So the four of us are sitting at the end of the bar. It was a cold night for Los Angeles, even in the San Fernando Valley. It was the Christmas Holiday Season, so all of us were wearing sweaters, although it didn’t dawn on me how preppy we looked until a voice cut through the air in direction.
“Yo! 90210!”
It was a drunk, almost malicious kind of voice. I don’t think the others noticed right away. I looked to see if Jerry the bartender had noticed, but the place was packed so, no. He had no clue what was about to transpire. But me being a Philly boy, I was the only one who picked up on it right away.
Again, a little louder, the guy says, “YO! 9 0 2 1 0!” This got Michael’s attention. The four of us all looked at the dude now. He was a tall, lanky and had this David Carradine/Fernando Lamas look with long hair with a Samurai pony tail in the middle like one of those Kung Fu guys you see in… well the show Kung Foo. He was drunk and obviously looking to start a fight.
Mike just sort of played it off and acted as if it wasn’t really happening. Then the gut looked directly at Mike and said “Yo. 90210. He was referencing the TV show, Beverly Hills 90201, I guess because Kathi and Patti were dressed nicely and both extremely attractive girls. This asshole was clearly out to challenge our masculinity and embarrass us in front of the ladies. I was thinking, I better think of something fast, because the place was loud, and no one seemed to see this situation going on but the four of us.
So, then, he turns his attention to Kathi and says, “Izzatchoor boyfriend?” ands says, “We’re friends, yes” and the guy says something derogatory to her, I don’t recall the exact words, but this was clearly escalating into a no turning back situation.
While he was engaged intimidating Mike and Kathi, I could see he was going to go right down the line, and my mind was racing. I hadn’t been in a fight since 9th grade. I just was never one to look for trouble and it had rarely found me, because I always went out of my way to avoid physical confrontations, and I was good at it. But it was obvious to me that trouble was heading in my direction. Fast. And I knew I had to act the instant he turned his direction to Patti or me.
And then the words to the song WHISTLE A HAPPY TUNE, from the “King and I” popped into my head. We used to sing it in grade school, in assembly… "Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect and whistle a happy tune, so no one will suspect I’m afraid… and then the bridge - “The results of this deception are very strange to tell, for when I fool the people I fear, I fool myself as well…”
So that was the plan. Well, not the whistling part - just the deception. I had to fool this guy into thinking I could kick his ass. So, I implemented this entire scenario and it all played out in my head in a matter of seconds. Now, if I could only execute it. Because to work, the timing and the execution had to be very precise.
Sure enough, he turns hi attention to Patti. He says, “Hey hot stuff, is that you father?” And then, to me he says, “What’re you looking’ at, Pops?” Now, he really pushed a button, because my once long thick hair was beginning to recede and there was and I was very self conscious about going bald to begin with. And besides, it was time to flip on that switch I had been contemplating…
My plan was to draw the attention of Jerry the bartender and my friends in the room, so hopefully, they would intervene before anything bad actually happened. So I looked this right in the eye, held up my beer as if to say, “Cheers!” But what I said was, “Pops is gonna shove this Heineken bottle up your fucking ass, motherfucker!”
A few people in the room had finally taken notice of what was happening. Except Jerry. I was really counting on Jerry the Bartender to come to the rescue and quell the situation.
The man’s jaw dropped in surprise, but he stood there dumbfounded and asked me, “What did you say?”
The moment of reckoning had come. It played out exactly like the movie in my head just a few moments ago. I kicked the barstool I was sitting in backwards and it went flying into the wall behind and made a loud “BANG!” as I got up. I took a few steps toward where the guy was sitting and got right up in his face. I screamed as loud as I could… “I said Pops is gonna shove this motherfuckin’ bottle op your motherfuckin’ ass, you fuckin’ asshole!” While I was doing my insane “screaming in the guy’s face” thing, Jerry and the rest of the bar came rushing over and grabbed this guy. Then, the other three confirmed the story and Jerry 86’d the dude.
After things calmed down, I went returned to my seat, where Mike assured me he had my back. I said “Sure you did. You didn’t even have your own back, you fucking chicken”. Then out loud l said, “Thanks Mike. I know you did”
So if you ever find yourself in a situation where your back is up against a wall an you have to face your fear like I did, with Just whistle a happy tune. It’s Easy When You Know Hal
By the way, I forgot to mention this during the podcast… As they led this guy out the door, I yelled, “…and don’t call me “Pops!!!”
One of the advantages of having been a regular at the Chimneysweep Lounge in Sherman Oaks for over 15 years not to mention - I eventually ended up as a bartender there, I also performed music on Sunday nights and also booked live music on other nights (ahh, that’s another story)… There is a certain cocoon of protection built in. At least that was my theory. One night I was force do put it to the test.
This was maybe 1995 or ’96, I think. I was sitting there one night about midnight, just another customer. I wasn’t working. Wasn’t playing music that night. It was just me, my girlfriend at the time, Patti; and another couple. Kathi and Mike. Kathi sang backup vocals with me on occasion and she was in duo with her boyfriend Mike, as well.
So the four of us are sitting at the end of the bar. It was a cold night for Los Angeles, even in the San Fernando Valley. It was the Christmas Holiday Season, so all of us were wearing sweaters, although it didn’t dawn on me how preppy we looked until a voice cut through the air in direction.
“Yo! 90210!”
It was a drunk, almost malicious kind of voice. I don’t think the others noticed right away. I looked to see if Jerry the bartender had noticed, but the place was packed so, no. He had no clue what was about to transpire. But me being a Philly boy, I was the only one who picked up on it right away.
Again, a little louder, the guy says, “YO! 9 0 2 1 0!” This got Michael’s attention. The four of us all looked at the dude now. He was a tall, lanky and had this David Carradine/Fernando Lamas look with long hair with a Samurai pony tail in the middle like one of those Kung Fu guys you see in… well the show Kung Foo. He was drunk and obviously looking to start a fight.
Mike just sort of played it off and acted as if it wasn’t really happening. Then the gut looked directly at Mike and said “Yo. 90210. He was referencing the TV show, Beverly Hills 90201, I guess because Kathi and Patti were dressed nicely and both extremely attractive girls. This asshole was clearly out to challenge our masculinity and embarrass us in front of the ladies. I was thinking, I better think of something fast, because the place was loud, and no one seemed to see this situation going on but the four of us.
So, then, he turns his attention to Kathi and says, “Izzatchoor boyfriend?” ands says, “We’re friends, yes” and the guy says something derogatory to her, I don’t recall the exact words, but this was clearly escalating into a no turning back situation.
While he was engaged intimidating Mike and Kathi, I could see he was going to go right down the line, and my mind was racing. I hadn’t been in a fight since 9th grade. I just was never one to look for trouble and it had rarely found me, because I always went out of my way to avoid physical confrontations, and I was good at it. But it was obvious to me that trouble was heading in my direction. Fast. And I knew I had to act the instant he turned his direction to Patti or me.
And then the words to the song WHISTLE A HAPPY TUNE, from the “King and I” popped into my head. We used to sing it in grade school, in assembly… "Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect and whistle a happy tune, so no one will suspect I’m afraid… and then the bridge - “The results of this deception are very strange to tell, for when I fool the people I fear, I fool myself as well…”
So that was the plan. Well, not the whistling part - just the deception. I had to fool this guy into thinking I could kick his ass. So, I implemented this entire scenario and it all played out in my head in a matter of seconds. Now, if I could only execute it. Because to work, the timing and the execution had to be very precise.
Sure enough, he turns hi attention to Patti. He says, “Hey hot stuff, is that you father?” And then, to me he says, “What’re you looking’ at, Pops?” Now, he really pushed a button, because my once long thick hair was beginning to recede and there was and I was very self conscious about going bald to begin with. And besides, it was time to flip on that switch I had been contemplating…
My plan was to draw the attention of Jerry the bartender and my friends in the room, so hopefully, they would intervene before anything bad actually happened. So I looked this right in the eye, held up my beer as if to say, “Cheers!” But what I said was, “Pops is gonna shove this Heineken bottle up your fucking ass, motherfucker!”
A few people in the room had finally taken notice of what was happening. Except Jerry. I was really counting on Jerry the Bartender to come to the rescue and quell the situation.
The man’s jaw dropped in surprise, but he stood there dumbfounded and asked me, “What did you say?”
The moment of reckoning had come. It played out exactly like the movie in my head just a few moments ago. I kicked the barstool I was sitting in backwards and it went flying into the wall behind and made a loud “BANG!” as I got up. I took a few steps toward where the guy was sitting and got right up in his face. I screamed as loud as I could… “I said Pops is gonna shove this motherfuckin’ bottle op your motherfuckin’ ass, you fuckin’ asshole!” While I was doing my insane “screaming in the guy’s face” thing, Jerry and the rest of the bar came rushing over and grabbed this guy. Then, the other three confirmed the story and Jerry 86’d the dude.
After things calmed down, I went returned to my seat, where Mike assured me he had my back. I said “Sure you did. You didn’t even have your own back, you fucking chicken”. Then out loud l said, “Thanks Mike. I know you did”
So if you ever find yourself in a situation where your back is up against a wall an you have to face your fear like I did, with Just whistle a happy tune. It’s Easy When You Know Hal
By the way, I forgot to mention this during the podcast… As they led this guy out the door, I yelled, “…and don’t call me “Pops!!!”
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